Closure

It has been almost 2 weeks since my mom passed away. 

It's so hard to actually write out those words. Oddly, I think I thought that moms only die in movies or novels.. or someone else's life. Even with cancer, my mom was going to live forever. Even when she was barely responding to us and was on morphine, I had a mother. 

The day we went to the church with her casket, it finally felt so final. Even during the 3-day Korean funeral, I didn't cry that much. I was numb and confused. But in that church, in the Baby room with Logan, it felt final. The music, the priest, my husband carrying my mom's portrait...  

My sister and I spent few days cleaning up the house, making several piles. One pile to keep, one pile to take with me, another pile to recycle or throw away. 

I took her vintage mink coat. Yes, as an animal welfare activity, it was so wrong... But I remember her wearing it often during the cold winter season in Korea. She never wore it in California but in my memory, she was beautiful in it. So I took him home with me. 

I also took her sewing machine and sewing notions. I wrapped her sewing machine in a bubble wrap, put it in a small luggage (thank God they let Logan check in a small baggage!). I went through her sewing cabinets and took what I could keep. I didn't take any of the threads because they were so old and SO MANY. But I kept buttons (SO MANY) and some appliques. And lots of bobbins.

We also went through her jewelry and I kept many of her beautiful jewelry, including her wedding ring. My mom wore hers on her pinky because it was sized wrong and we have the same size fingers so I also wear it on my pinky next to my wedding band.  

I'm wearing her clothes, and her earrings, and her hat. The more days goes by, the more I am used to missing her and just remembering her in my memory. I am thinking to use hers instead of mine? We have exactly the same machine because she bought my machine for my wedding present and bought herself the same one and took it to Korea... In a way, I want to sell it and use the money to buy a cover stitch machine. Then again, I don't want to sell it because it's my mom's. It was. 

Anyway, these are all the new additions to my sewing cabinet. 

Mom's fabric shears, bobbins, and sewing notions.

Mom's fabric shears, bobbins, and sewing notions.